ISSUE #3: JULY 16, 2005



AT THE BULLETIN BOARD, A NEW HERO AND A NEW VILLAIN ANNOUNCE THEIR ARRIVALS:
M00NBEAST (on Saturday 01:02:27): Gem, Disc 1 of Final Fantasy VII is so easy though. o_o
I usually don't leave until I'm like level 60 though. :B (Just a side effect of building up materia near Mideal.)
Milihpen (on Saturday 01:10:53): M00N>No, her FF7 disc 1 was so scratched it'd take half an hour after battles to load the world map.
Dr Hobo (on Saturday 01:26:24): moonbeast: thinking of FF VII I can never beat ruby weapon O.o any hints
Keii Side (on Saturday 02:09:24): Protip: Avoid dying.
Ryuichi Sakuma (on Saturday 03:48:10): Ruby weapon sucks... >.> all you get is a freaken gold chocobo.. meanwhile, I had a stable full and needed one to get knights of the round to beat ruby in the first place.. blarg! Biggest dissapointment of my life ;.;
Keii Side (on Saturday 05:03:24): Ruby should give you revive aerith chain quest starter item not a gold chocobo.
I kept the rose
Lady Coreander (on Saturday 05:22:41): lol I love my FFVII record. I saved it right before the final battles with Jenova and Sephiroth... With everyone at level 99, having all but 2 of the Ultimate Weapons, and having more Gil than I could ever need.
Chibi Dawn (on Saturday 05:58:05): Happy birthday, Lady C. :)

Megs' birthday was last weekend. The big 2! Woo! The SpongeBob cake was a big success. :) She's getting in teeth #s 13 and 14 right now, scary.... She's only had teeth for the past nine months. It's been miserable. *_* I need a vacation... Or a drink. :)
Green Lantern (on Saturday 08:18:38): Ir phukndimd tea, ert tehgimd ruknd/ Ny ifuc mnecc imsebi la ROCK! I mnecc licd ayoh wesim zudn la ezmiyli koudehc ugm!
Toyman (on Saturday 09:24:31): Evil toys are fun! Not sexual toys, but evil toys!!! EVIL TOYS ARE FUN!!!

MEANWHILE IN THE BACKROOM, GREEN LANTERN JACK BLACK FACES HIS MOST GRUELING CHALLENGE YET: A PLANK OF WOOD!
Green Lantern: entered the Backroom.
Plank: Well FART!
Green Lantern: In brightest day and darkest night/ no evil shall escape my ROCK!!! I shall melt your faces with my awseome guitarl iks!
Plank: Shawty wanna be a gangsta?
Green Lantern: *Creates a green bong, to smoke green weed*
Yellow weed is bad for you
Plank: Naw thanks, I'm already high. *knocks himself*

Knock on that wood.
Green Lantern: *Attempts to use green fire to light up Plank*
Plank: *heatbutt* eat stick!
Green Lantern: Yo, youz be a pozer, man
Plank: *cartwheel flips and whacks you in the face*

'youz' me again! :Q
Green Lantern: *Uses green power ring to create a green guitar and JAMZ the raps out of you*
Plank: *rides up in a black escalade with bikini black chicks hanging out of every window*

[Insert Hydrolics Here]
Green Lantern: That's unsafe! I'll fix it!
*Wraps green energy around the car and flings it into orbit*
Another job well done for the Green Lantern *smokes a fattie*
Plank: *smokes a bigger fatty with all his swisha-hoes in space*

Haha sux to be you
Green Lantern: Haha, you're in space. and yhao can't be having fires in spaxe
Green Lantern: Hey, how can you smoke with no lungs?
Plank: Talent
Plank: and tinted windows let you smoke in space. Just watch me.
Green Lantern: Tehn why smoke? You've got magical anti-lungs. I know pweople who would pay big monies to see that?
Green Lantern: Tinted window's dont mean nothin, unless you have the power of ROCK! Bwwweeeeaaaow!
Plank: *points* to the windooooooooows
*points* to the walls!

Power Rock your own ass, I've got mine already.
Green Lantern: *Creates green rocks to smash the windows* I rocked your MOM last night

bitch
Green Lantern: Logged off.
Plank: *pisses on your rock and guns down all your friends and babies* I kill yo' babies!
Plank: ahahah
comedian 2005: entered the Backroom.
comedian 2005: eh oh ah? wha gone on jah?
comedian 2005: nececece
comedian 2005: eh uh fights is fun, uh? Ah-o!
comedian 2005: went to the Bulletin Board.
comedian 2005: entered the Backroom.
comedian 2005: so uh cartoons uh Woody?
comedian 2005: kids is kids but toons is toons uh? woody is woody?
comedian 2005: juice is juice and woody is wood eh? Eh-o! Ah-o! woody!
comedian 2005: fights uh? us like fights uh?
Plank: timed out (left the chat).
comedian 2005: I WIN, BITCH!
comedian 2005: Logged off.
Solomon Grundy: entered the Backroom.
Solomon Grundy: went to the Hentai Arena.
ROB the Robot: entered the Backroom.
ROB the Robot: went to the Parlor.
Green Lantern: entered the Backroom.
Green Lantern: Woo! I win, biatch!
Toyman: entered the Backroom.
Toyman: Why don't you play with my balls, heroes?

*tosses red rubber bouncy balls*
Toyman: ... AND MY TESTICLES?
Green Lantern: Logged off.
Toyman: Logged off.

LATER--IN THE HENTAI ARENA, GREEN LANTERN ALAN SCOTT FACES THE DASTARDLY SOLOMON GRUNDY!
Alan Scott: entered the Hentai Arena.
Alan Scott: YOU PEOPLE MAKE ME SICK! PORN IS EVIL!!!!
Solomon Grundy: entered the Hentai Arena.
Solomon Grundy: SOLOMON GRUNDY WANTS PANTS TOO!!!
Alan Scott: What? Solomon Grundy? HOW DARE YOU DEFILE THIS HOUSE OF DEBAUCHERY!!!
Alan Scott: Of course you do! Imagine all of the STD's in a place like this
Solomon Grundy: Solomon Grundy has no organs to get STDS!
Solomon Grundy: went to the Index.
Alan Scott: That's what you get when you're a wooden zombie, evil-doer!
Solomon Grundy: entered the Hentai Arena.
Solomon Grundy: Solomon Grundy has no gonads, but Solomon Grundy is more than man enough to take on you, Green Lantern FOOL
Solomon Grundy: *Picks up a tree trunk and tries to hit Alan Scott with it*
Solomon Grundy: went to the Backroom.
Alan Scott: *Creates a fist of green energy and uses it on Solomon Grundy. As he's comprised of wood, it fails*
Solomon Grundy: entered the Hentai Arena.
Alan Scott: *Is knocked back 50 feet. Picks up a car with the energy, and throws it at Grundy (Who, mind you, was born on a monday)*
Solomon Grundy: *Grundy is knocked down, but gets back up AND IS ANGRY! Uses zombie magic to turn both into mini-mates*
Solomon Grundy:
Solomon Grundy: went to the Index.
Solomon Grundy: entered the Hentai Arena.
Alan Scott: Stop cheating
*Picks up a brick and throws it at Grundy's head*
Solomon Grundy: *Grundy is knocked down*

Solomon Grundy is angry! Fool Lantern! You won this round!

*Slinks back to swamp*
Alan Scott: Take that, evil doer!
Alan Scott: went to the Index.
Alan Scott: entered the Hentai Arena. .
Solomon Grundy: *Solomon Grundy throws a molotov cocktail at Alan Scott, using this fine alchohol:
Solomon Grundy:
Alan Scott: *Picks up the fire and throws it back into the swamp* Fire takes care of blasted wood!
Solomon Grundy: *Grundy screams, then runs deep into swamp*
Solomon Grundy: went to the Index.
Captain Cold: entered the Hentai Arena.
Alan Scott: Victory! For today, that is... *Flies away to his house*
Captain Cold: What's this, super-FOOL? A little urban renovation? I'll take care of your little flame...
Alan Scott: went to the Index.
Captain Cold: *Puts out fire with freeze-gun*
Kyle Rayner: entered the Hentai Arena.
Captain Cold: went to the Bulletin Board.
Captain Cold: entered the Hentai Arena.
Kyle Rayner: Nobody likes me, everyone hates me. They're all out without me, having fun. *Tear*
Captain Cold: went to the Index.
Kyle Rayner: Logged off.
Toyman: entered the Hentai Arena.
Toyman: I would have offered my sympathies to Mister Rayner... AND MY PENIS.
Toyman: went to the Index.

THE FORCES OF GOOD CLAIM VICTORY FOR TODAY, BUT WHAT OF TOMORROW? WHY ARE THERE SO MANY GREEN LANTERNS? IF SOLOMON GRUNDY IS MADE OF WOOD BUT HAS NO GONADS, DOES HE AWAKEN WITH MORNING WOOD--AND IF SO, HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE? HOW FAR WILL TOYMAN TAKE HIS OBSESSION WITH GOOD CLEAN "G-RATED" FUN? FIND OUT IN THE NEXT INSTALLMENT OF CRISIS ON INFINITE CHATROOMS!!!